Separating From Your Partner: Why It Can Be a Good Thing and My Personal Story
80% of couples who go through a partner separation end up in divorce.
I learned that statistic as I contemplated my own partner separation. That number really scared me. But at the same time, I knew that my relationship wasn’t in a healthy place. If I wanted to save what we had, we had to try something.
My husband and I went through a separation in 2020. And I’m glad to tell you today that we are one of the 20% of couples who came back together.
In today’s post, I’m joined by my husband, Mike Bayen. We want to share why we went through a separation and how it actually strengthened our marriage. We are proof that a partner separation can actually be a good thing for your relationship.
Why we chose to separate.
While Mike and I have had a strong connection together for years, we can trace our issues back towards the beginning of our relationship. One of the main things we learned when working with our relationship coach, Jillian Turecki, was that Mike had some unresolved childhood trauma he needed to work through. He felt that he needed to work through those issues by himself before he was ready to involve me in this process.
One of Mike’s biggest issues in our relationship was complacency. Because of his childhood, he was used to being in survival mode. He had grown up accepting things as “good enough.” He had to learn to strive for something better.
One of my biggest issues in the relationship was perfectionism. I wanted things to be exceptional, or I didn’t want to do things at all. Neither of us were communicating our wants and needs very well.
We got to the point where we were pretty much living as roommates. And we knew things could not continue like that.
Asking Mike for a partner separation was one of the hardest and scariest things I’ve ever done. But we came to an agreement that we needed to heal separately. We went into the separation with the intention of working on ourselves and then coming back together.
What our partner separation was like.
Mike and I separated at the beginning of 2020. We had no idea what was waiting for us later on in the year. As if dealing with a pandemic wasn’t hard enough, right? Let’s add a separation to the mix!
But things actually worked out well. We stayed with some family members, and it was really helpful to have that quality time with them.
We separated for six months with a brief visit in between. While it was very challenging, we both had the sense that we made the right choice. We both felt freedom and relief in it. We finally had the space to work on ourselves so that we could be at our healthiest when we came back together.
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What we learned through our partner separation.
One of the biggest things we learned is how to communicate more effectively. Of course, we’re not perfect, but we’re both so much better at acknowledging our wants and needs now. We’ve learned that leaving things unsaid doesn’t actually protect the other person. And saying what you want and need isn’t selfish.
We learned a lot about energy healing through our work with Brooke Walch. Energy dynamics can greatly affect relationships. Every person has masculine and feminine energy, and when these energies are out of balance, problems arise. We’ve learned how to better balance our energies for the sake of our relationship. And we’ve also learned a lot from Matt Hoyle, a relationship coach who helps couples find their spark.
Finally, we’ve learned how to have a healthier work-life balance and support each other better in our businesses. We’ve both been learning a lot lately through different courses, and it’s benefiting us both. I am so grateful for Mike’s involvement in my business and all the ways he supports me. He deserves a lot of credit!
While issues will still come up, we learned through our partner separation that we are able to work through them. We have so many more resources available to us now that we can fall back on. We’re so grateful for all that we’ve learned and for the people who have helped us.
How things are different in our relationship now.
Mike and I are so much more hopeful about the future now. That’s the biggest difference we’ve seen. We want a lot of things, and we’re excited about what’s to come.
We feel a big difference in how we connect with each other. We’re husband and wife now. Not roommates. And while marriage is hard, we both know it’s worth it.
Separating From Your Partner: Why It Can Be a Good Thing and My Personal Story– The Bottomline
It feels vulnerable to share this, but we are doing it because we think it’s so important. We know that other people are going through this too. We want to be honest so that people can find encouragement in our story.
If you’re going through a separation or thinking about separating, know that it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. We encourage you to seek out professional guidance and find what the healthiest option is for you and your relationship.
We hope that you find strength, encouragement, and love wherever you are.
And finally, as always, stay safe, stay healthy, and stay #PrettyAwkward!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING
I would LOVE to have the opportunity to connect with you, check out my #prettyawkward Female Entrepreneurs Create Impactful Passive Income free group on Facebook!
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Our relationship coach– Jillian Turecki
Matt– Relationship Coach
Brooke Walch– Energy Healer
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