Are you an entrepreneur who’s struggling with feelings of anxiety and unworthiness? Are these feelings stopping you from getting to the next level?…
Well, you can rest assured knowing that Miss Stevie Wright has you covered! Stevie is a self-love coach who helps women heal their anxiety and feelings of unworthiness. I love how honest and open she is, but most of all, I love that she practices what she preaches.
When I spoke with Stevie recently, we focussed on healing for female entrepreneurs, but any woman, actually, any human out there, will get something from her words. Anxiety, limiting beliefs and unworthiness can be crippling when it comes to establishing a business. It can be so hard to overcome the fears that arise and at the end of the day, anxiety is rooted in fear.
Stevie shared some applicable tips to overcome all this to steer you toward running the fun, impactful business you know you’re meant for. Now is the time to start healing your anxiety. After all, you can have all the strategy in the world but if the fear takes over, you won’t move forward with your business (or it’ll be half-assed), you won't get the results you want, AND you won’t be able to really help the people who need it.
Stevie’s journey started 4 years ago where she was at that oh-so-familiar quarter-life crisis, feeling untethered; floundering; like she had no sense of direction or purpose. She was working a dead-end job, not treating her body or spirit well (eating takeout 3 x per week) and her mental health suffered.
Wrist deep in an ice cream carton (we’ve all been there!), she had a moment and thought “there's no way that this is all that I have to give in my life!”. At this point, she wasn’t into personal development, but she knew something had to change. Firstly, this meant getting her health in check and treating her body with nourishment and kindness. Over the next year, she lost some weight and cleared her skin up by focusing on her external self, and in doing so found that she was really good at inspiring and motivating people…and this is how she fell into health coaching 3 years ago.
She wanted to help people get their health in check and live a more balanced lifestyle. She started running 6-month programs, and at 1-2 months in with her clients (after building rapport and trust), her clients began telling her some pretty deep things related to trauma, and there she was with her kale salad recipes not feeling equipped to help. This was an ‘ah-ha!’ moment for her. She realized that her clients were becoming mirrors; helping her open up to her own wounding. All the things they struggled with, so did she…but she was spending all her energy on healing her physical body only. It wasn’t until her clients started sharing their more deep-rooted, internal issues that she was able to put words to her own anxiety.
And then she had a second ‘ah-ha!’ moment where she realized she didn’t want to do this work anymore…it was SO not in alignment with what she needed to heal in herself or others – it was the deeper issues that needed addressing. She KNEW at this time that she wanted to help people heal their hearts and all the recipes in the world wouldn’t help this.
Even with this little epiphany, she was still feeling crushed by the weight of her unworthiness wound. So she went and found herself a mentor who completely changed her life. She also enrolled in a certification program that helped her pivot 180 degrees and she is now helping people heal their anxiety and unworthiness. But, before she could truly help others with this, she had to do the inner work herself.
When women were coming to Stevie with all their deeper issues (before she made the switch from health coaching), she felt humbled and inspired to really heal her own wounds.
She’d have clients come to her with questions or concerns but she didn't always know how to help them with their deeper wounds like how their dad abandoned them when they were younger, or sexual assault wounds, etc. It was scary to be honest with herself and acknowledge she wasn’t on the right path…she wasn’t in alignment because what she really wanted to create was sustainable, lasting change that goes beyond the surface.
Knowing that she needed training and support for own healing was uncomfortable for her to come to terms with. It’s all well and good to realize this is what was needed to be an effective coach for others, but then she was struck with a “now what!?” moment. And this uncertainty brought bring fear with it too.
What she really learned during this time is that you have to be ok with checking your ego. Amid her transition, she had to get a (*real*) job to support herself while she was doing her training, going to therapy, working with her mentor and learning how to help people at a deeper level. She couldn’t continue to support herself through the health coaching because it no longer matched her beliefs, values, and passions, and therefore she wasn’t attracting clients.
She did a ‘coming out’ post online, lost followers and gained followers, and had to spend time finding and refining her message…it was a wonky period. Anyone out there who’s scared of making that transition, just do it. It will all work out if you are patient – it might take some time, but it’ll be so worth it. When you go into something new because it’s your purpose and not because of the money, everything will fall into alignment. Stevie’s key tips on changing industries are:
Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons
Don't be afraid to go and get further education if you need it*
Give it time and be consistent.
*You don't need all of the certifications in the world, but you do have to be honest with yourself when you confront the question ‘can I help this person?’. I love that Stevie identified that she didn't have the knowledge to truly help people in the way she wanted to, so went out and did something about it; to go and gain the skill sets she needed to feel confident in helping women in the deeper way she desired to.
Tips for entrepreneurs struggling with anxiety
In the entrepreneurial space, it’s SO common for people to be afraid of being seen and really stepping out as the authority person who knows what they’re talking about in their field – the fraud complex and unworthiness of money stories are so strong.
Stevie works on these stories with people, uncovering where they come from; delving deeper into WHY it’s not safe to be seen or take up space…in childhood if we were trying to express ourselves and be big and bold, and in some way we got in trouble for it or we got bullied, then we create the story that it's not safe to take up space and be seen because ‘when I’m seen, I get in trouble or made fun of’…this is muscle memory; the body stores trauma. Those stories and thought patterns need to be undone and rewired – we never came onto this planet thinking these things.
Stevie does a lot of exercises with her clients on physically taking up space and speaking their desires aloud and identifying whose story they’re actually holding onto. She helps them to realize that they haven’t lost themselves, they’ve just forgotten and need some guidance and support to begin remembering.
As entrepreneurs, limiting beliefs are going to come up like crazy – although they are just stories, they’re so ingrained from childhood, so they’re hard to move and change. We need to start looking for evidence of what’s possible rather than evidence of why we will fail at something.
Whatever you believe, that’s how you act and then that’s going to reflect in the results you’re getting.
Getting over imposter syndrome
Imposter syndrome is such a buzzword in the entrepreneurial world. It’s something we struggle with all the time and it paralyzes people, preventing them from taking the next step forward. Stevie experiences this big time…who was she to help someone if she wasn’t fully healed herself. And the truth of it is; we are never FULLY healed…there is always work to do. She had to integrate and accept that she didn't have to be fully healed to actually help someone. She just has to be one step ahead of them and guide them a little bit. She just needs to help ‘her’ 5 minutes ago, 1 day ago, 1 year ago, etc.
Having continued education is very good for business confidence. If you are constantly learning and growing it will help to lessen the feelings of imposter syndrome – it’ll never go away completely, you just learn to deal with it faster.
You do need to be careful, however, that you don’t get in the trap of pursuing knowledge from a place of unworthiness and fear. E.g. thinking that if I do ‘x’, then you have a permission slip – just have awareness around this. Ask yourself if you are growing from a place of fear, or are you doing it from a place of love? From lack or scarcity, or because it will be helpful for your life?
The way Stevie knows if she wants to really pursue something is that she asks herself if she thinks she needs it because it will make her feel more worthy as a coach, or if it’s actually a knowledge gap that she can’t fill on her own. It’s always quality over quantity with this kind of stuff. Every time we make decisions from this place of lack or fear, it never results in what we think it will…we need to really start trusting our guts a bit more.
How to move through anxiety
Firstly, Stevie thinks it’s important that we understand what anxiety is from a biological perspective. Our brain is 2million years old and is reptilian in form even in 2019…basically, that means it’s default setting is to seek out danger. We live in constant states of anticipation, danger, and fear. But now, these things are visiting the dentist, going on a date, or having a sales call rather than looking out for the saber-toothed tiger.
Anxiety shows up when we think we are about to die; when we are unsafe. To overcome anxiety, we need to understand that it is rooted in fear. That allows us to recognize what’s really going on. Having enough presence and awareness to be able to ask yourself “am I about to die? Is something going to hurt me?’ If the answer is no, ask yourself where the fear is coming from – fear of failing, missing out, rejection, etc. and then identify what is actually going on.
The biggest problem people have with their anxiety is that they identify with it – this means that they define themselves as anxious. But here’s the thing – you are not ‘anxiety’! We experience the sensation of anxiety, it’s not us…it’s not who we are. When we identify with it, we become so close to it that there’s no space left to sit back and observe it.
Judgment and shame are usually how we respond to anxiety. Shaming yourself for your anxiety doesn’t work, but having a birds-eye view and asking what you’re scared of in that moment and then talking to that fear in a loving way does. Asking what yourself what that fear means you need right now really helps you to get into relationship with your fears – they are trying to tell you something.
Your anxiety is trying to tell you something about what you need right now. Have a conversation with it, journal about it, meditate on it.
Next, meet your anxiety with compassion and love? Welcome these fears and talk it out and come back to the truth of who you are. What creates change is having an opposite response – a proactive loving response, rather than a reactive shameful response.
Inner child work
Inner child work is a profoundly strong healing modality. Your inner child is the version of you that has taken on all the wounding, trauma and limiting beliefs throughout your life. It’s the version that took on all that crap and if we are not connected to her and in touch with her and asking what her needs are, then she is running the show 100%.
When Stevie is triggered by something her boyfriend does and if she doesn't ask what her inner child needs and why she’s throwing an internal tantrum, then she will run the show and 3-year-old Stevie who has abandonment wounds will be taking charge…little Stevie is so much more in control if she’s not attended to. We have to learn to re-parent ourselves in a way that maybe we didn't get as kids – we now have to become the good parent and meet those needs internally rather than seeking external validation. When you think of yourself as the child within, it's so much easier to be nicer to yourself…you’re not going to yell at a kid!
If we can heal from this perspective, then we will be so much happier and so much more successful. People often have the strategy but never actually execute anything because of these feelings of anxiety, unworthiness, and fear. There’s no funnel that is going to skyrocket your business if you still have underlying, fundamental unworthiness wounds. This is the first step to working on your business.
When these feelings come up, try telling your inner child “I know you’re scared, thank you for trying to protect me, I love you, you’re safe, it’s okay to be seen”. This work is simple, but it's complicated at the same time. It takes time to truly believe these assurances, but eventually, you will and its this work that will take you to the next level – there’s so much on the other side, which is why it’s so worth doing this work.
I know this is a long one, and I really feel like we only just touched the surface. If you want to find out more about what Stevie does, her services and coaching, hit her up on Instagram @stevielwright_. She has a ton of free stuff to share so shoot her a message on Instagram and she’ll “give you all the things”. You can also find more on her website: https://www.steviewright.co
If you want to hear this wisdom in Stevie’s true voice, check out The Pretty Awkward Entrepreneur Podcast…it’s episode 20! Screenshot if you listen and share it on social – tag me @meganyelany, @prettyawkwardentrepreneur and @stevielwright_!
BONUS: Free Case Study – How I Signed Five High Ticket Clients In One Week With Zero Paid Advertising: www.meganyelaney.com/HighTicketClients
Tell me about you! Do you struggle with social media marketing to attract clients for your online business? Which of these tips will you implement?
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10 Girl Boss Lessons from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Who runs the world? Strong women everywhere are breaking barriers and paving the path for our future. Despite the many hurdles (both visible and invisible) female leaders push on with grit and determination. At just 29 years old, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tops the list. She’s the youngest woman to be elected in Congress and one of the most talked-about figures in American politics.
Her rise to prominence isn’t conventional. She had a humble start, waitressing while campaigning to become the US Representative for New York’s 14th congressional district. As a millennial politician, she’s shared much of her journey on social media and there’s a lot we can learn from this powerhouse.
Alexandria is also authentically honest and not afraid to speak her opinion – even if it’s unpopular. She doesn’t forget the community she came from, which is why people everywhere look up to her. Being a strong woman doesn’t mean putting yourself first. “My job is to put other people’s needs before my own, not the other way around.”
She also strives to leave the world a better place, “Our goal is to leave no person behind as we venture into a secure and better future.” Sometimes we all need a little motivation to be the best versions of ourselves. Hola compiled 10 girl boss lessons from AOC that are sure to leave you inspired.